Sunday, November 19, 2006 @8:31 PM
ok like wat i was saying just now..
she had a proposition for me.. she said she can continue seeing me but not as much as before.. and whenever she cancels a meeting, the reasons are her to disclosed.. no bitching no nothing no interfering with her life.. and then i ask is it means that i can only be with her and yet i can't ask anything about her?
she say i can, but the answers are hers to give.. and she dunwan to see the disappoinment and anger when she choose not to give a reason.. pple she hang out with, i shouldn't have a problem with that.. cos its not my rights to do so.. and so does she as its not her right to control who i go out with either..
she says she wants me to know that she's not torturing me, she just needs her life.. if the both of us get too attached, problems will come.. she also said she had seen it happen and dunwan it to happen again..
she say she is just testing out time.. how far can my sincerity bring me? i seriously dunno.. cos with a sucky char like mine.. i dunno how far i can endure this kind of thing.. plus my over sensitive thinking, over/easily-jealous mindset and a very powerful pessimistic mind, i dunno how long i can endure..
i've been asking myself over and over again do i really need her in my life? yes i do.. although i can gladly live life without her, but still its better if she's in it.. no doubt there's that fucking ke leng kia behind the scene.. but i dun care now.. tears accompanying me the whole night and morning.. everytime i hear a song, everytime i tried to repeat what she always call me, everytime i tried to imitate her asking me to lie next to her.. tears just came flowing.. unstoppable..
now in my own direction of life, i now tell you guys/girls.. i love her and i can't do without her.. maybe its the kind of love im actually searching for.. dun u pple always find it weird? there are lots of pple you meet in life.. but there are those when u forsake them, break off with them, u dun feel as sad? u might be sad for a couple of hours and u dun even think about it the next day.. and there are those when u leaves them, leaves u pondering over and over it again for the next few years?
trust me pple.. when u meet the love of your life.. you are willing to forsake everything for them.. even though its hard, you will try.. so now lets see how far my sincerity can bring me.. how long i can endure this thing.. how much my heart is willing to give in to all these requests? lets see and hope that its not just a moment of impulse..
