Saturday, November 18, 2006 @9:28 AM
she just send me a email.. come guys.. give me some opinion of it..
i will not deny that i haven't been thinking of him these past weeks. i will not deny that although i have had many happy days with you, i also miss and think of the days i had with him. i don't know if i still have some semblance of love left for him or if i miss the happiness those days brought me. I got together with you not only because i fell in love, but also because i wanted to see if that happiness could be duplicated with someone new. I have to admit that the cause of the last failed relationship was because we loved each other too much. Possessiveness became a huge problem as did our insecurities. Very similar to what you're experiencing now. We were always afraid of losing each other to someone else. I keep telling you we're not compatible for various reasons. Firstly, the language barrier. Although we've grown used to speaking in a language more comfortable and understandable to each other's ears. i must say that i'm still not totally comfortable speaking mandarin. and i believe you're not totally comfortable with english either. The other thing is control. You expressed the need or want to control my dressing, my interaction with others and who i contact. The want may not have been expressed verbally but it is evident in your body language. I know you do not want to control me but it is the vibes i'm getting. I want you to be happy. But apparently you are not with me. simply because you keep thinking about losing me to someone else. I know you too want me to be happy, and that you wouldn't totally mind letting me go. But i know that in your heart you just want me to yourself. That is understandable, me succumbing to my whims and fancies before. i am extremely confused. both of you, as much as you have your differences, have the same mindset when it comes to me and competition. Both of you keep asking me to choose. Something i wish i do not have to. You have given me things he could never have given to me. Both of you are special to me in your different ways. How can you expect me to choose between the two of you. You want me to decide who i need the most, is my choice not evident? he has begged me to go back to him . He has told me of a miserable life that he leads now in my absense. And you tell me of your neverending intense fear of losing me. And that you wouldn't know what to do once i leave you. What do you expect me to do? It's not that i'm being mentally unfaithful, but i am human too. When you lose something that was once your life, can you tell me that you never miss it once in a while? i know you treat me really well, and i'm sorry if you think my behaviour is a form of repayment. I'm not being ungrateful, no i appreciate everything you've ever done for me. I don't want to lose you, but i feel like i'm in a tug of war here. What can i do? My heart isn't stone like yours is. Please understand and don't take this the wrong way. i know i can't make both parties happy, and i'm miserable because of it. I can't and will not disregard either party's feelings in this matter. But it is so hard to resolve. you have no idea as to the enormity of the guilt i feel whenever i'm out with you. because i know i can never repay what you've given me. YOu're not the failure, I am. For i know not what i do. In the process of trying to salvage the situation, i only succeed in breaking everyone's heart including my own. I'm sorry, but I do not think i deserve you. Leave while you can, i don't want to hurt you further.
